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The Graduate


9:32 AM

Change is in the air of my life. I remember back to my senior year of high school -- watching "The Graduate" in an introductory film class, laid back on a comfortable and beaten couch, eased into the comfort of security. I recognized it then as a trope -- that coming-of-age character who witnesses everyone around them getting on with their lives, but is disturbed by the inadequacy of their own plan; perturbed by the constant prodding and offering of unsolicited advice from those who don't have access to what our unsettled character is feeling. That is what they desire at the end of the day -- the end of the movie -- something that feels right. And maybe that's all anyone is ever searching for, a sense of happiness and all the feelings of security that accompany it.

I didn't identify with "The Graduate" in that moment, and I don't today. But today, as I round third base and head home on my college career, I can understand where the feelings of anxiety would come from. I see change all around me -- in internships, leases, birthrights, and LinkedIn posts. I have felt lucky for a long time because my compass had a clear northern draw from a relatively early age. I knew then, and know now, that I want to work with musicians. I knew then that I would make something larger than myself, and I have a taste now of what it means to fulfill such a prophecy. Though I think it is not a calling which I would forsake happily, I know now that it is not an easy road. Steinbeck spoke through Samuel when he described "cold, lonely greatness" and though I know not its true meaning, I believe I am beginning to understand the isolation which we all share, which would be exacerbated by separating yourself from the milieu. When we fall into step with a larger crowd, it is easy to share discomfort, victory, and lack of understanding within the collective conscious. But in these seasons of change, it becomes quite clear that was an illusion. That beneath it all we have our own paths to walk, and none others can take those steps for us.

The beauty of music, to me, is in the philosophy that lies within. Kendrick did something beautiful in pointing his listeners toward Eckhart Tolle on Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers. We all need social proof sometimes, and as a person who many look to for guidance, Kendrick drew a link for his listeners that was clear, but still contained the necessary mystery that births a feeling of discovery for those who seek it out. I have begun to seek out the work of Mr. Tolle, and he claims that our sense of self is an illusion; that there is no "You" and "I", but that we are One. When the conception of "I" dies within me, then I will be reborn as a person at One with all life on Earth. I fear losing Aidan Dean Dunn because I have come to love him -- love myself. When it feels right, I imagine, I will make this transition. But until then I hope to walk my path with courage and curiosity, and to build my love in all that is around me, believing that it is me in them and them in me, even if I can not know it at my core just yet.

"I am he, as you are he, as you are me, and we are all together." - John Lennon

10:06 AM

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